Tuesday, July 27, 2004

the color temperatures of light

this is a note to myself for easy access later (need this for my digital camera):
candlelight = 1900K
40W bulb = 2650K
60W bulb = 2790K
75W bulb = 2820K
100 watt bulb = 2900K
sunrise/sunset = 3100K
sunlight (end of day) = 3600K
noon sunny/electronic flash = 5500K
overcast daylight = 7000K
daylight: dull/foggy = 8500K
daylight: clear sky/open shade/ no direct sun = 10000K and up

movies you shouldn't see if...

So I saw 21 grams the other day. Besides totally depressing me, it also completely freaked me out with enhanced anxieties. Isn't it enough that, as a mother, I already walk through the day playing worst-case scenarios involving my children in my head. I don't know why I torture myself this way, but mothers will know what I am talking about, especially new mothers. I can't help it. The fear that something might happen is always there ...somewhere in the back of my head. Anyway, so I saw this movie 21grams and to explain in short ... it involves this young woman losing both her young girls and her husband in a car-accident. Just writing this out makes me uncomfortable. So, right after the movie I pulled Dario to the side to bitch at him for always driving like he's being chased by the cops. Then, I told him about the movie and how horrible horrible just the thought of this scenario is.
And what does the man do the very next day?!! He takes 2 hours to come home after picking up our elder daughter Maia. 2 hours (!) for a trip that usually takes him 20 minutes. The problem was that he has also just lost his cellphone a few days ago, so he was unreachable. By the second hour I was pacing up and down our hallways, trying not to panic. "How the hell could he do this to me. Relax. He has probably stopped to do some compulsive shopping. It's 7:30 not 10:30pm, R-E-L-A-X." Well, my attempts to return to rationalism were not very successful and none of my rational/no-panic friends were available to get me off this embarrassing trip.
When they walked in at 8:00 I wanted to slap Dario.
..and so I did.

PS: and as I thought...he did go shopping...had to check out the new Target they just opened around the corner...to buy a bunch of very unneccessary things...

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

ebay and other dangerous pits for shopaholics

dario is a hopeless shopaholic and it's driving me nuts.
just yesterday he bought this little bbq grill he had his eye on for weeks. the fact that I had bought a grill at the discount store a week ago didn't steer him off his intent. no, my 12 dollar grill wasn't good enough. he had to have the steak-blaster2000 or something like that. the one that looks like a wok and grills much faster than the "piece of crap" I bought.  why does speed matter? the words 'speed' and 'afternoon barbeque' don't really fit into one sentence, I'd say.
I was perfectly happy with the steaks coming off the 12 dollar grill.
 
I'm cleaning out the office... one of the big eye-sores (or space-hoggers) has been this super-heavy mongoose mountain-bike he bought on ebay 3 years ago. May I tell you he has NEVER used it. Not once. He has, however, brought it to the bike-mechanic, got the extra-expensive bicyle-lock, bought a hat just for bicycling....
sometimes I wonder, whether he bought the bike just so he can justify buying accessories for it..
 
anyway. I am throwing out. that's it.
well, out of the office that is. he's gotta take it to work or something.
I can't take it anymore.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

austrian president died

this isn't the latest news but the Austrian president, Thomas Klestil, died last week...well, actually it was...July 8th, 2004. The new guy's name is Heinz Fischer and after reading his profile I already like him much better than Klestil.
He likes jazz, smokes pipe, and is said to have had an affair with Heide Schmidt, something like the Austrian version of Hillary Clinton. I considered Schmidt always to be one of the most competent politicians in Austria. Unfortunately, she's not pretty enough (we all know that this seems to be an important criteria for making it as a politician (that and having a penis), ... forget the question, whether he/she can speak or swings so far to the right, one needs to turn around to see. ... ugh,.. I just saw a picture of Haider,...the right-wing idiot of the Austrian Freedom Party.... he looks a little bit like Bush, I swear...
 
Anyway, ... so it took me almost 2 weeks to look up who our (my) new president is. I need to get more involved.
I used to be politically very active... meaning  interested, critical, rallying for various causes, etc.
I guess, I would say I've become disillusioned. Doesn't matter what we do, we're all run by idiots who look presentable on TV.
Reading Chomsky (Hegemony or Survival) isn't helping my attitude either.... in fact, it is proving my thesis...
 
I'm in a "humans suck" phase today.
ok. both kids are actually napping at the same time (WOW). I'm gonna go read.
 


my assimilation to the american dream

can someone explain to me why the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence? why do I always want to be somewhere else than where I have come? dario's tendency to never find happiness in the present isn't helping. it seems like happiness is always somewhere in the future, waiting for us if we just are able to reach one bit higher or go one step further. I can't say I'm unhappy. I know I'm priviledged with my life....compared to all the shit other people have to deal with.
I must not complain. ..... I have healthy kids, a relationship built on true love (although he can annoy the hell out of me sometimes, and he's still a dog sometimes),......I've made it out of the ghetto places we used to live in (when we moved into our first apt. on 182nd & Valentine we found some gang living right next-door to us, who used to steal cars and sporadically beat up people , whose cries for mercy we would be able to hear through our thin walls. ... our second apt. we shared with a buch of mice and roaches...this in addition to our two dogs... once we caught eleven mice in one day....that day we went to the shelter to get a pair of cats.... I decided, I'd rather clean a litterbox than spend my time looking for the dead-mouse-smell somewhere in the walls or try to sweep up mouse-droppings from impossible to reach corners under the stove....

Anyway, now we live in a really beautiful apt. in a much nicer neighborhood of the Bronx. We've got a great view of the water reservoir and the GW-Bridge in the far... Yet, ...we can't seem to find peace until we get our own back-yard? Why? just so we can bbq in the summer? ... it's the media that makes me think it ain't such a big deal to put ourselves in debt we will never return from in our lifetime, just to get a house. At least, that's what we're facing with the nicer areas around NYC. $700,000 barely buys you a 4BR house. WHO the hell has 700 grand to put out? How much more are people making that I don't know about? And what about all the other expenses that come with a house? I mean the taxes alone are a killer. Who has $13,000 laying around the house every year? ...just for the damn taxes?
Dario doesn't have to deal with all these worries that plague my mind. He pretty much just thinks "uh,...a house would be nice. I want one." No further concerns. The other day he actually showed me a listing in Fieldston (part of Riverdale, Bronx) for 1.5 Mio. ...why even bother to depress myself with looking at places I will never be able to afford?

whatever happened to my old philosophies of never wanting to tie myself down with the ownership of an apt. or house? I always wanted to remain free to leave whenever/wherever I want. Then again, this attitude began it's way down the drain probably 5 or 6 years ago, when I gave up my premise of never to marry.... Dario did have to convince me for almost a year, though, until I finally agreed..

sigh. well... I'm gonna hit the sack.
time to regenerate... (for an hour.... then the baby will wake up with demands to be fed).


motherfucking mac

i used to be a mac person....
not anymore....
i just spent 20 minutes writing a very complex blog entry...and then wanted to CTRL+C (copy) just in case.... unfortunately, I forgot that I am sitting on a Mac and have LOST EVERYTHING, for there is no fucking alternative to CTRL+Z (undo) ...when using IE.
This is very fucking frustrating but I better stop writing now because all I want to do right now is curse.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
Ok. I feel a litttttle bit better now.

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhrrgh.

Friday, July 16, 2004

Irshad Manji on "The Trouble with Islam"

I was listening to NPR and Irshad Manji, author of "The Trouble with Islam" came on to the Brian Lehrer (?) show. The woman is really quite eloquent... Wish I could be this articulate. Now  (after several years in the States) I'm neither in German nor in English.
Anyway, her book has been called the non-fiction version of the "Satanic Verses"!?! Why? Because it contains criticism for Islam or the way it is sometimes lived? Is criticism not allowed? At this point I should probably mention that I was raised Islamic. Yes, and Austrian Muslim... you can imagine the joy of growing up Muslim in a country that's 98% Catholic.  Actually, today I would probably call myself Agnostic. I just don't want to be a hypocrite. I don't practice Islam....except for the basic morals, which are part of every religion (i.e. try to be a good person). Maybe one day, I'll get back to it. When I have more time to study it.
Anyway, Manji's response to the comparison of her book to "The Satanic Verses" was somewhat shocked. Who are these people, she wonders. Are these the same people who condemned the Satanic Verses without even reading the book? 550 pages, she says, and there are maybe 5 pages of controversial content. Anyway, it's fiction...
I have Manji's book "The Trouble with Islam" but as most of my books it remains half-read.
I don't know why I seem to incapable to finish a book. Maybe it's because I'm a slow reader (in English, that is)...maybe because I don't have enough uninterrupted time... I don't know.
Ironically, I just joined a bookclub. Hopefully they won't kick me out for not finishing our reading assignments. I just joined to have an excuse to get out the house, hang out and chat with a bunch of girls.
At our last meeting we spoke ca. 20 minutes about the book (Michael Moore's latest) and then went on for about 2 hours talking about sex (best, worst, tips, suggestions, etc.)  ;)
Come to think of it,...I should be reading RIGHT NOW. Noam Chomsky's "Hegemony or Survival". His stuff is really interesting but I am so fucking slow.
 
 

schizophrenics and how to make pesto

Living with a two-year old appears to have great similarities to living with a schizophrenic... not that I ever lived with one....except myself maybe (..sometimes I wonder). ...Maia and I will fight about anything and everything. My best approach with success in mind is to suggest for her to do the exact opposite of what I want her to do. If I want her to put on the blue sneakers I best offer her the white and blue sneakers and say... "ok. how about we put on the white sneakers?" and I will surely hear ..."no, I want the blue sneakers!" ;)
 
Anyway, ... a note to myself:
how to make pesto:
http://www.samcooks.com/flavor/Pesto.htm
Now, the guy needs 4 pages to philosophize about pesto but I think I got something from it. He neglects to mention, though, that with the amounts of ingredients he suggests one will only get quite little pesto. So, after 45 minutes of smashing basil leaves (which, btw. I did clean with a moist papertowel for about 5 leaves and then switched to holding them under water...I am NOT cleaning 60 leaves of basil with a papertowel...screw that...I've got an infant with little patience).
Anyway, after 45 minutes of pounding the ingredients I got about a spoonful of pesto. arghhh.
Well, I did get ONE sandwich out of it.
 
ok. gotta go.
baby doesn't like the swing.
maybe i'll be back later today.

Thursday, July 15, 2004


me and my first daughter Maia Posted by Hello

starting my blog

ok. so I finally visited blogger.com and set up my blogging space. the idea behind it is pretty cool and so I am going to give this a try... with the chance that either all my friends stop talking to me because I might forget that I am posting my thoughts on the internet... now, don't get me wrong...I am not planning to use this space to bitch about my friends (I'll use it to bitch about Bush and the like ;) ...ok...obviously I am having troubles to even just finish one thought, so this should be fun for the people who are trying to read this........sorry. So, let me finish my thought from above. I don't believe in critizing my friends personally but fact is, as it is for us all, that they do things, which can sometimes get under your skins... WHAT am I doing here? I don't know why I am writing this... this won't be a venting spot about friends that haven't been considerate...uh...I sound like I'm 13 years old, don't I? ... hmmm...actually I am at this point, at which I wish I were...I am turning ...I can't even write it out... I am passing my twenties soon...(nice, I kept the word twenties in the description of my age). HEY, I should write it out while I still can...I'm TWENTYnine ;)

... I better stop this blog right now or don't tell anyone I know about it, so they can't hold things against me or feel offended etc. (I guess, that's what I meant to say initially...) This blog is for those who don't know me...except for John...since he's the one who actually made me get a blogger account.
HEY, check out his site/blog, which has inspired me to start this (one wouldn't think, given the fact that he's the exact opposite when it comes to certain opinions -> political, war-related, etc. ...but I've learned to look past such things as religious or political affiliation. It ain't worth getting upset about where a person stands regarding such things (Of course, there are unacceptable extremes but chances are there is not much to work with then anyway). Nobody will change their political opinion, as much as you won't change yours. I've been trying to make Dario vote Democratic for the past 8 years. You are a Republican Latino, dammit. That doesn't make any sense!, I tell him. For the sake of my sanity, I've given up such battles (I do stick to the important ones, though. D had to change his view about the death penalty or I was just not going to stay. I wasn't giving up on that argument until I had convinced him of its ethical wrongness...[I'm sorry it's too late to go look for the thesaurus]. My argument in short, nobody has the right to decide over life and death, except for God. And I am not a religious person.

Anyway, there is a lot more to explore in a character than political opinions and John, as opposite as he might be from my viewpoints, definitely is one of the finest and most intelligent people I've ever met. So here is his blog link:
http://weber.sixbit.org/

at this point I would like to introduce some of the other strong characters I know and am glad to be able to count as my friends, but they don't have blog accounts to link to so it would be very subjective... ....well, I guess that's what this is all about, right?

ok. I'm beginning to talk shit so I'm calling it a day and hope not all of my entries will be this confused and stupid.
let's see.