the power of 3-year olds

3 year-olds have an amazing power over the nerves of their parents, and if this isn't the case then I really suck at this motherhood thing. I'm probably not the worst mother of all but I am definitely no Brady-Bunch mom either. I am so afraid to alienate my daughter one day. Now she is still little and doesn't hold a grudge, wants to make up, etc. ... every quarrel is a short-lived emotion. It's a rollercoaster ride all day long and that is what eventually will get to your nerves.
Maia can go from perfectly happy, to screaming tantrum, to angry spasms, and back to perfectly happy in a timeframe of just a few minutes. It is amazing. The key variable in each hurdle of the day is my reaction to her behavior. Needless to say, if I manage to stay calm, collected, cool and above all things any tantrum can be handled and taken care of (i.e. Maia back to cooperative behavior) within 10-15 min. max. If I, however, as I do so often when cranky, sleep-deprived, hungry (and I am talking about Maia AND me), lose my cool or refuse to sweet-talk her then we're doomed. Things just go spiraling down when I can't get my stubborn mouth open and remain the adult in the situation. Unless you have a 3 year old you will probably not understand.
It is unbelievable what power they can get over you and your behavior.
This is why it is best to always read a lot and talk to other (better) parents. Reading helps me remember why they do what they do and how perfectly normal it is and keeping in touch with other (seemingly more collected) parents keeps me connected to people that I can call to take my toddler for a few minutes before I jump out the window.

Dario at work all f-ing weekend long isn't helping. Rosa calls me a weekend-widow. I am just resentful.
When by noon, Maia was in the middle of her first major tantrum of the day, while I was trying to feed a tired baby I began to wondered how I could possibly get out of this situation only to realize that there was no way out. Leaving Dario wouldn't change a thing, for I would (despite all parenting stress) not be able to live without my girls, thus former situation would remain the same all week long.
However, there would me no resentment towards Dario (being absent) and I would probably handle things better. Divorced moms often confirm that things got easier after leaving, even though they had the kids by themselves. It's something about a mindset. You're on your own that's it. No expectations of anyone else. You just deal with the situation.
And since I am in a similar situation - one that I cannot change - I better learn how to deal with it. A little later, I stumbled upon a piece of embroidered cloth Dario had been holding on to for years. Someone gave it to him when he was still a teenager, after his father had passed away. I never actually read what the sewn on quote said but I knew it was something religious, since I could make out the word "God". Non-religious as I am I was never interested enough to open the cloth to see what it said. Today, however, I unfolded the cloth and read it in hope for a sign or some inspiration or something. I'm really not sure why I opened it, the latter is just my explanation of how my subconscious might have been at work.
This is what it said:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change those things I can and wisdom to know the difference."

I couldn't believe the appropriateness of the quote at this very moment, this day. I left the cloth unfolded and put it on the counter. I didn't feel much better about my situation but I felt grounded and not alone.
A little while later, and I am not kidding (!), I turned on NPR and the moderator is reading this exact same quote. Apparently it was a quote by Reinhold Nipur (spelling?), some Christian realist of the mid-20th century, who inspired a whole bunch of people (religious, agnostic, political, etc.).

My life saver today was Rosa. She took Maia upstairs to play with Lucas for the rest of the afternoon. I felt like a failure but I was glad Maia got the treatment she deserved. Loving, patient treatment. She is only 3 years old!

Later on I took her to the playground and my night-time readings were pure reflections of my guilt "Mama, Do you Love Me?", "Always, CopyCub", and "How do you Feel?". Why couldn't I just talk about the day? Well, not tonight... but I communicated via her bedtime stories and I think she got it.
God give me strength and PLEASE...more patience.
Thanks.