Imago Therapy Concepts

so, I'm reading this book "Getting the Love You Want" by this star therapist (H.Hendrix), which by the way is possibly the best example for the saying "don't judge a book by it's cover" -> I mean, by giving the book such a desperate title, they already lose the entire male readership, and I must tell you, if my mother (who is a family therapist) wouldn't have strongly recommended this book (and the therapy method it discusses), I would have never even taken it off the shelf.
So, I am going through quite some embarrassing maneuveurs trying to hide the title when I pull out the book in public. People might think I'm reading porn or something ...that's how secretive I take the book out of my bag...always careful to hide the cover.

Anyway, I just wanted to write down a few interesting concepts Hendrix brings up in his apparently very successful therapy method (Imago Relationship Therapy).
One, which I found most intriguing is the analysis that when we avoid our partners (with all kinds of excuses) we unconsciously avoid anxiety. But not just any kind of anxiety. Let me quote, for I am really bad at this whole paraphrasing sh*t:
"The other reason couples avoid intimacy is fear, specifically the fear of pain. On an unconscious level, many people react to their partners as if they were enemies. Any person - whether parent or partner or next-door neighbor - who is perceived by the old brain to be a source of need gratification and then appears to be withholding that gratification is cataloged by the old brain as a source of pain, and that raises the specter of death. If your partner does not nurture you and attend to your fundamental needs, a part of you fears that you will die, and it believes that your partner is the one who is allowing this to happen.
[...] In most cases the fear of the partner is unconscious. All that couples are aware of is a mild feeling of anxiety around each other and a desire to be with other people or to be involved in other activities." (p. 109)

He mentions that we have to train our brains to deal with change. When our relationships change and we are required to adapt and assume new roles we feel like we're losing our personality (i.e. we think we're dying). What we have to realize is that there are different stages in life, which sometimes require us to change our behaviors and habits. Change isn't necessarily negative (it is so subjective and temporary). Change means we are growing...