relationships. what for?

can someone explain to me what relationships are good for? Is it me or aren't they just mostly a pain in the ass for all involved parties ... most of the time? I hope it's me, cause if not then that's one triste outlook for any potential future relationships (i.e why waste time in a relationship ever again?).
Isn't your partner supposed to be the person you're supposed to be able to count on when you need to and when there is nobody else to count on anymore?

A vague memory of my old - much more independent and purer - self reminds me of the fact that this is a very bad expectation to have of your partner, for it will inevitably lead to disappointment (at least, in most cases).

In the beginning (and with beginning I mean, a couple of years...for it's been 9 years this past Summer since D and I first started going out) I never expected anything of him. I was my own person and that was that. No bitterness attached to this perception.... just life as I saw it. I always paid for my own way (didn't like when a man paid for my food/drink/etc.) and never expected help in whatever I planned, thus never was in for any disappointments.

Once again, ... living here has changed me.
I've begun to expect certain things of certain people (not because they fulfill them but because the mere presence of the expectation is a given by surroundings. ... I remember, the first time someone asked me why my husband isn't doing this or that for me...and then "good thing you have a husband to help you out with that" ... etc. etc. etc. I never realized that the expectation of help didn't change anything in the actual situation but my attitude. And that wasn't a good thing. I became dependent. I begun to wait for stuff to happen I would have done on my own in a minute. And then... when they wouldn't get done I became frustrated and resentful. It's been a vicious cycle. ... Dario's "Honey-please-do-list" I once compiled is a complete waste of paper. The items on that list are sometimes over a year old and certain things I didn't even bother putting on the reworked (i.e. edited) list anymore (e.g. things I can't wait for... floors need to be mopped, bathrooms need cleaning, no matter who's turn it is...as a result, Dario hasn't cleaned a toilet in like a year and a half).
Now, why don't I just do all that shit myself?
I used to do stuff myself (put up shelves, hang pictures, troubleshoot my computer, fix the VCR, etc.) why have I become such a hussy? Granted I have no more time to do any such simple task as to brush my own hair sometimes, I stopped being self-sufficient way before my kids entered the picture.
Of course, now that they're here and there is no time for anything AND I am still hoping D would actually take a look at that list one of these days NOTHING gets done anymore.

So tell me again, why are we in relationships then? If not to help each other out on all kinds of levels? Why do we put ourselves through so much emotional shit? For the sake of familiar intimacy? Companionship?? But then that's not what I call companionship. Wouldn't a companion be more like a friend... so ... why struggle through a relationship then?
I mean, not for nothing have I always put as much emphasis on my friendships as on my family relations... if not more so. Friends can last forever ... relationships mostly don't ... and if they do, you're lucky. Isn't it so?

soo tired.
if he could only see how much I need his support now more than ever. this whole situation is killing me. back at work full-time. both kids by myself when I get home from a day often without even so much as a lunch break. D at school every night until almost 10pm. loads of housework and left-over regular work after the kids are finally down (putting down 2 kids under 3 ....at the same time....isn't an easy task.). no life of my own. tense neck, cramped up back, and a chronic stomach ache. It's not fucking easy to then be very diplomatic, although lately I've been making a real effort to actively work on some issues we've been having. D, however, misinterprets my attempts to talk about certain things with resolutions in mind as some sort of nagging and his favorite reply to anything I would like to talk about nowadays is "let it go already." or today the nicer version "shut the fuck up already." ... now see, I can't be talked to that way. Things turn off there. I might have lived in the ghetto for almost 10 years now but I refuse to become that ghetto.
Respect is something you must not lose in a relationship or things will fall apart.
They will.

It's sad because I know we have love. It's just buried somewhere right now and we would have to dig for it (i.e. work on the relationship a bit. do some maintenance. ...but I don't have the energy to be the initiator anymore. the one to pull us out of the deep again. I don't have the energy and I'm afraid of what might happen now...I'm afraid because I have kids now...it's not about me anymore...I can't just say..."oh, I don't need a man to be happy," which honestly I don't ...but my kids need one...and that's their father. D is, after all, a really good dad.)

I know now why drinking is prohibited in Islam. Cause one way or the other we will probably all reach this point where we just wanna be drunk as often as possible to make it through. Good thing I was raised with this very strong resistance towards drinking otherwise, I'd be trying to be drunk at least by noon ;)
And,...since I'm nursing...I can't smoke or ANYTHING.
It sucks to be sober all the time. ;)