can someone explain to me why the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence? why do I always want to be somewhere else than where I have come? dario's tendency to never find happiness in the present isn't helping. it seems like happiness is always somewhere in the future, waiting for us if we just are able to reach one bit higher or go one step further. I can't say I'm unhappy. I know I'm priviledged with my life....compared to all the shit other people have to deal with.
I must not complain. ..... I have healthy kids, a relationship built on true love (although he can annoy the hell out of me sometimes, and he's still a dog sometimes),......I've made it out of the ghetto places we used to live in (when we moved into our first apt. on 182nd & Valentine we found some gang living right next-door to us, who used to steal cars and sporadically beat up people , whose cries for mercy we would be able to hear through our thin walls. ... our second apt. we shared with a buch of mice and roaches...this in addition to our two dogs... once we caught eleven mice in one day....that day we went to the shelter to get a pair of cats.... I decided, I'd rather clean a litterbox than spend my time looking for the dead-mouse-smell somewhere in the walls or try to sweep up mouse-droppings from impossible to reach corners under the stove....
Anyway, now we live in a really beautiful apt. in a much nicer neighborhood of the Bronx. We've got a great view of the water reservoir and the GW-Bridge in the far... Yet, ...we can't seem to find peace until we get our own back-yard? Why? just so we can bbq in the summer? ... it's the media that makes me think it ain't such a big deal to put ourselves in debt we will never return from in our lifetime, just to get a house. At least, that's what we're facing with the nicer areas around NYC. $700,000 barely buys you a 4BR house. WHO the hell has 700 grand to put out? How much more are people making that I don't know about? And what about all the other expenses that come with a house? I mean the taxes alone are a killer. Who has $13,000 laying around the house every year? ...just for the damn taxes?
Dario doesn't have to deal with all these worries that plague my mind. He pretty much just thinks "uh,...a house would be nice. I want one." No further concerns. The other day he actually showed me a listing in Fieldston (part of Riverdale, Bronx) for 1.5 Mio. ...why even bother to depress myself with looking at places I will never be able to afford?
whatever happened to my old philosophies of never wanting to tie myself down with the ownership of an apt. or house? I always wanted to remain free to leave whenever/wherever I want. Then again, this attitude began it's way down the drain probably 5 or 6 years ago, when I gave up my premise of never to marry.... Dario did have to convince me for almost a year, though, until I finally agreed..
sigh. well... I'm gonna hit the sack.
time to regenerate... (for an hour.... then the baby will wake up with demands to be fed).
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